Happy Easter!

The Chrissy Problem

There she in line in front of you at Urth Caffé ordering a soy latte. Later, you spot her in pigeon pose at a hellfire hot yoga class in Larchmont Village. And in the evening, she's your waitress at Providence, biding her time until her next audition.

She's a Chrissy. And the problem? You are not a Chrissy.

Suzanne Somers may have left the cast of Three's Company thirty years ago, but modern incarnations of Chrissy, the beachy blonde would-be starlet, are everywhere you look in L.A. It's Chrissy's town, and brunettes just live here. In the past, our options have been limited. We could a) get ourselves over to Sheri Román's hair salon, STAT, or b) accept our role as Janet, the level-headed friend.

But recently, a third option has emerged. I give you Mrs. Roper and her signature hostess gown.

Don't you want her necklace?

A few years ago, the hostess gown staged a comeback. In theory, it seems like the perfect garment. Midsection a little poofy? Legs a little pale? Upper arms a little saggy? Slip on a billowy hostess gown and look like you've stepped out of the pages of a Slim Aarons coffee table book. But while the hostess gown promises to hide all your problem areas, it also announces to the world that...you have problem areas.

Never afraid to dress exactly like a Palm Beach octogenarian, I donned a hostess gown while getting my hair and makeup done on the morning of my wedding.

Me and My Muumuu
Photo by Elizabeth Leitzell

Despite its inherent challenges, designers are still pushing the hostess gown this spring. Emerson Fry and Issa both have versions for you.

Emerson Fry

Issa

Or you can turn to Society Social, the hostess gown's proudest advocate. And while you're at it, pick up a faux bamboo bar cart and a giant cocktail ring.

I'll see you at the Regal Beagle.

Road Trip: Solvang

The list of downsides to living in Southern California is short, but even the most devoted local must admit that termites rank up there among the earthquakes, wildfires, and floods. Every October, the little terrors swarm about, establishing hungry colonies that quickly eat their way through rafters and support beans. So once a decade, Southern Californians must double-bag all the items in their pantries and medicine cabinets, round-up their pets, and vacate their homes for 48 hours while a fumigation company pumps critter-killing and potentially cancer-causing gases into their homes. 

For a 400-unit condo complex like the Windemere, fumigation is an especially complicated ordeal. Last week, the Merry Family decamped to Redondo Beach while we awaited word that it was safe to return. On Thursday afternoon, I was disappointed, but not surprised, to hear that there would be a 24 hour delay in removing the giant circus style tents from our building. 

California is a car culture. Faced with a day of endless possibilities, many of us choose to begin by filling up the gas tank. So it was that the Merry Family drove two hours up the 101 and found ourselves in Solvang, a town founded by Danes in the Santa Inez Valley of Santa Barbara. 

"Solvang" is Danish for "sunny fields."

I have never been to Denmark, so I cannot attest to Solvang's authenticity. To my eyes, the place looks quintessentially Southern Californian. It's squeaky-clean imitations instantly bring to mind Disney's version of New Orleans in Anaheim or Getty's version of a Roman Villa in Malibu. 

Replica of the Little Mermaid Fountain in Copenhagen

Since the success of the movie Sideways, the region has become well-known for its wines. The streets are dotted with wine-tasting bars where you can ask for a Pinot Noir and snobbishly reject the Merlot. Solvang is also extremely dog-friendly - almost every restaurant has a comfortable outdoor patio where your pooch can join you and perhaps help you finish the giant apple pancake that suddenly seemed like such a great idea after all that wine.

Praying for a Miracle: Mission San Juan Capistrano in March

On All Saint's Day in 1776, Spanish priests of the Franciscan Order founded the mission at San Juan Capistrano, one of the most beautiful and impressive missions along the California coast. In 1812, an earthquake struck the region, toppling the bell tower during morning mass and killing 40 people. The mission fell into disrepair for a century until Hollywood "discovered" it. D.W. Griffith shot parts of his western film The Two Brothers there, and soon after, Mary Pickford renewed her vows to Owen Moore in the ruins of the Great Stone Church.

1925 painting by Charles Percy Austin

Here's how the mission looks today.

Old vs. New California:
A beach cruiser is parked outside the mission's front gate.

A statue of Father Junipero Serra, founder of the
California missions, keeps vigil over the the ruins.

Inside the Great Stone Church.

Footprint of the fallen bell tower.

Serra Chapel, the oldest continuously used
church building in California.

Restoration of the mission grounds began in the 1910s.
In the 1800s, locals gathered on the tile rooftops
to watch rodeos in the courtyard below.

The Moorish Fountain.

The most popular time to visit the mission is St. Joseph's Day on March 19th, when tourists hope to witness the Miracle of the Swallows. Every spring, American Cliff Swallows return to California after spending the winter in Argentina.

Mud nests created by swallows several years ago.

In recent years, the birds have avoided the hustle and bustle of the mission. They appear to have gone upscale, preferring the wide open spaces of golf course at the Vellano Country Club in Chino Hills. Earlier this month, ornithologists set up speakers to play bird calls, hoping to lure the swallows back to their old home. So far, the birds are having none of it, but Southern Californians continue to hope for another miracle.

Ocean Trails by the Trump National Golf Course

On Sunday, the Merry Dog asked if we could go for a walk, so we drove to the scenic Trump National Golf Course in Rancho Palos Verdes. A golf course might seem a strange place to hike, but Mr. Trump was kind enough to build a large visitor lot and public park on prime real estate on the course. Several trails lead from the course, going to the Terranea resort to the west and the city of San Pedro to the east. The fog rolled in and out during the afternoon. Sometimes we had beautiful vistas. Sometimes we could barely see the ocean at all.

View from Palos Verdes Drive East

Santa Catalina Island hidden in fog

Trump National in the distance

Abandoned camp

Park at Trump National Golf Course

Putting Green

The Spa at Windemere

Wouldn't you like to get away?

At Windemere, we know that it just isn't possible to run off to a spa resort every weekend. So, our staff has designed the perfect at-home rejuvenation regimen. Now you can turn any weekend into a spa-ah weekend.

Sample Schedule

Friday Evening

8:00 PM - Check-in. After coming home late from work for the last 2 weeks, you'll be relieved to find that, for your convenience, the staff at Windemere has piled two loads of clean towels in a hamper in the hallway. Open your fridge to find it thoughtfully stocked with essential provisions such as expired buttermilk, week-old samosas, and cocktail olives.

8:15 PM - Healthy Burger Night. Veggie Grill to the rescue! Order a vegan cheeseburger with a side of kale.

9:30 PM - Lights Out.

Saturday

5:30 AM - Morning Wake-up Call. Gently transition from sleep as the Merry Dog sticks her cold, wet nose into your armpit.

7:00 AM - Nutrition Class. Actually attend Weight Watchers meeting instead of fleeing immediately after weigh-in. Learn about portion sizes. Comfort your classmate when, upon realizing what 2 oz. of pasta looks like, she declares, "There is no God."

9:00 AM - Spa Treatment. Combine all the left-over balances on those widow & orphan spa gift certificates you have laying around the house for a down-payment on a facial.

Best Spa in the South Bay, Burke Williams, Torrance

10:30 AM - Breakfast.

Mahalo Mango smoothie

11:00 AM - Excursion - Healthy Shopping. Learn to buy produce at Whole Foods Market while not also "accidentally" purchasing two bags of gluten-free cookies, five pounds of artisan cheeses, and a six-pack of microbrew.

12:00 PM - Hands-On Cooking Class. Wipe dust off of Canyon Ranch Cooking. Make low-fat bouillabaisse.

2:00 PM - Arts & Crafts - Introduction to Sticker Theory. Join 4-year-old sticker expert the Merry Niece as she expounds on the life-enhancing properties of Hello Kitty stickers. Leave with a work of art you can display on your fridge.

3:00 PM - Exercise Class - Advanced Tug-of-War. The Merry Dog will lead the class through an intense 5 minute tug-of-war routine with one of your socks. Not for the faint-of-heart! She suggests that beginners try her Introduction to Doggie Treats.

3:05 PM - Exericse Class - Cool-Down. - Join the Merry Dog for a one-hour cool-down and quiet meditation session on the couch. Learn her techniques for napping in the now. The staff at Windemere regrets that this popular class is given at the same time as our other favorite, Organization 101 - Folding Those Towels in the Hamper in the Hallway.

4:00 PM - Spiritual Reading. Discuss People Magazine's inspirational account of St. Paula Deen's fight against butter with resident guru, the Merry Husband.

6:00 PM - Night Run.  45 minutes. Look up and admire the 3 stars that are visible through the L.A. smog. Breathtaking, isn't it? No, really - do you need an asthma inhaler?

8:30 PM - Asian Cuisine Night. Pick one of the hundreds of sushi joints within a 1 mile radius of the Windemere. Contemplate the mystery ingredient in the Ridgeline Roll. Remember to rehydrate with a bottle of Okinawan beer.

Honda Sushi, Torrance

Lydia, Oh Lydia, Oh Have You Seen Lydia?

Lydia the nude tattooed ankle sock lady?

Rodarte RTW Fall 2013

Photo By Lexie Morelan

WWD

At least they don't have to be lasered off.