Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Spa at Windemere

Wouldn't you like to get away?
At Windemere, we know that it just isn't possible to run off to a spa resort every weekend. So, our staff has designed the perfect at-home rejuvenation regimen. Now you can turn any weekend into a spa-ah weekend.

Sample Schedule

Friday Evening

8:00 PM - Check-in. After coming home late from work for the last 2 weeks, you'll be relieved to find that, for your convenience, the staff at Windemere has piled two loads of clean towels in a hamper in the hallway. Open your fridge to find it thoughtfully stocked with essential provisions such as expired buttermilk, week-old samosas, and cocktail olives.

8:15 PM - Healthy Burger Night. Veggie Grill to the rescue! Order a vegan cheeseburger with a side of kale.

9:30 PM - Lights Out.


5:30 AM - Morning Wake-up Call. Gently transition from sleep as the Merry Dog sticks her cold, wet nose into your armpit.

7:00 AM - Nutrition Class. Actually attend Weight Watchers meeting instead of fleeing immediately after weigh-in. Learn about portion sizes. Comfort your classmate when, upon realizing what 2 oz. of pasta looks like, she declares, "There is no God."

9:00 AM - Spa Treatment. Combine all the left-over balances on those widow & orphan spa gift certificates you have laying around the house for a down-payment on a facial.

Best Spa in the South Bay, Burke Williams, Torrance

10:30 AM - Breakfast.
Mahalo Mango smoothie

11:00 AM - Excursion - Healthy Shopping. Learn to buy produce at Whole Foods Market while not also "accidentally" purchasing two bags of gluten-free cookies, five pounds of artisan cheeses, and a six-pack of microbrew.

12:00 PM - Hands-On Cooking Class. Wipe dust off of Canyon Ranch Cooking. Make low-fat bouillabaisse.

2:00 PM - Arts & Crafts - Introduction to Sticker Theory. Join 4-year-old sticker expert the Merry Niece as she expounds on the life-enhancing properties of Hello Kitty stickers. Leave with a work of art you can display on your fridge.

3:00 PM - Exercise Class - Advanced Tug-of-War. The Merry Dog will lead the class through an intense 5 minute tug-of-war routine with one of your socks. Not for the faint-of-heart! She suggests that beginners try her Introduction to Doggie Treats.

3:05 PM - Exericse Class - Cool-Down. - Join the Merry Dog for a one-hour cool-down and quiet meditation session on the couch. Learn her techniques for napping in the now. The staff at Windemere regrets that this popular class is given at the same time as our other favorite, Organization 101 - Folding Those Towels in the Hamper in the Hallway.

4:00 PM - Spiritual Reading. Discuss People Magazine's inspirational account of St. Paula Deen's fight against butter with resident guru, the Merry Husband.

6:00 PM - Night Run.  45 minutes. Look up and admire the 3 stars that are visible through the L.A. smog. Breathtaking, isn't it? No, really - do you need an asthma inhaler?

8:30 PM - Asian Cuisine Night. Pick one of the hundreds of sushi joints within a 1 mile radius of the Windemere. Contemplate the mystery ingredient in the Ridgeline Roll. Remember to rehydrate with a bottle of Okinawan beer.

Honda Sushi, Torrance


  1. Oh this is brilliant! Please sign me up for the tug o war and spiritual reading.

    1. The Merry Dog is always looking for new participants in her classes. She'll be thrilled.

  2. I agree, brilliant! I laughed out loud when i read about the night run and it is rather prophetic as AGA was only discussing our lack of exercise regime this evening over dinner (roast pork and 'swedish' potatoes cooked in cream)...
    I'll sign up as I am looking forward to the exercise class cool down with the merry dog.
    Bye for now

    1. In general, I find talking about exercise preferable to actually engaging in exercise.

    2. Me too. In fact a friend of mine just told me he ran 5 kilometers after work. I said 'great'. Meanwhile I sat on the sofa eating cake and drinking tea . . .

  3. When it comes to dieting there is no God. Quite clever and so true.

    1. Sadly, I didn't make that up - those words were really and truly uttered. I admit I felt much the same way when they got to the granola demonstration.

  4. Such a fun and unique spa activities. I will sign up and just chiil out there.

    1. Chilling was, in fact, an all-day seminar on Sunday.

  5. Hello:
    Well, we are not ones for spa weekends, spa weeks, spa days or spa anything come to think of it as it generally involves too little food, running around, being pummelled and water. We do not 'do' water.

    However, Spa Chez Windermere sounds like fun, especially if one can just watch all the spa activities, whilst sipping a chilled white wine, instead of actually taking part in them!!

    1. Spa owners are a cruel bunch. I'm with you - I don't want to spend my vacation hungry, cranky, and sore.

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